52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks (Week 13): Nearly Forgotten

Amy Johnson Crow from Generations Cafe is hosting a blog writing prompt this year called 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks.  Since I need a swift kick in the you-know-what to get me blogging more regularly again, I thought I'd jump in.  I like that she gives us "permission" to interpret the prompt however we wish and share it however we wish.  It doesn't have to be a blog post; it could be a family video, a letter to a child or grandchild, an e-mail, etc.  I'm probably going to be always behind on this exercise so don't go by the date and week I'm writing about and take it as accurate.  

When I was a child, it was common practice to go to the family cemetery(ies) fairly frequently and clean up around the graves of our loved ones.  This was before the days of perpetual care.  These were (still are) country churches where the only lawn care was cutting the grass around the church.  There was nobody but a person's family to keep the weeds and ants from taking over their headstone.  

Maybe that's why I still enjoy visiting cemeteries (and my deep, abiding addiction to family history and genealogy!) .  When I go to Georgia to visit, we always end up at a cemetery before the visit is over.  With this last visit, we visited probably no less than 5!!  I do believe that every person should be memorialized and remembered after they are gone.  There should be a marker, a sign on a crypt, or information added to a sign to announce that someone was here and lived between those dashes.  With the popularity of cremation, markers are becoming more scarce.  I realize in many instances, the choice of cremation is based on financial means.  However, maybe there should be a wall in each cemetery on which those people's names and dates could be listed so that family and friends can visit.  (Similar to the Vietnam Wall in Washington, D.C.  It is very moving for a family to find their loved one's name on that wall.)  That should be much less expensive than a headstone.  

I would go so far as to say that when there is no grave nor crypt, the person becomes nearly forgotten.  

Before I was even thought about or a twinkle in my mama's eye as us southerners say, my parents had a child in 1963.  A boy who was premature and only lived eight hours.  They named him Michael Edward Tapley.  My parents were living in Jacksonville, Florida at the time, had not been together much more than a year, and had very little money.  Michael was buried at Restlawn Memorial Park in Jacksonville, Florida.  There was no money to place a marker on his grave.  Life went on, my parents left Jacksonville, and there little Michael laid there - nearly forgotten.

Fast forward some 30 odd years later.  I, the little sister, am now an adult and want to help my parents - especially my father who was nearing the end of his life - do this honor they were unable to do at the time.

So I went to Restlawn.  We found through their records exactly where his grave was.  I contacted someone who did grave markers at this cemetery.  Several months later, Michael Edward Tapley was memorialized. 

No longer "nearly forgotten"

Please see a previous post about my brother here.  

Then there was my Uncle Jack Dempsey Tapley.  Uncle Dempsey lived with us for a time when I was a child.  So naturally, we were close.  I have written on this blog before about our relationship and how even those we looked up to as children were merely human and made mistakes.  That does not change the fact that he was my uncle and he was very good to me.  

He moved out, and I grew up.  We lost touch.  I think I only saw him once as an adult.  Then in 1994, I received word that he had passed away.  I must have found out too late to even attend his funeral.  Some more years passed, and I finally began to look for where he was buried.  I discovered he was buried in Augusta, Georgia at Hillcrest Memorial Park.  Then I found out he had no grave marker!  I was shocked and outraged.  He deserved his memorial.  He had been nearly forgotten by his immediate family and by me for many years.  So I worked to make it right.  With help from my father and a cousin, I got a marker put on Uncle Dempsey's resting place.  Now Hillcrest is one of those perpetual care places, but I still check in occasionally when I'm visiting.  I have had to bring the office's attention to the condition of his marker now and again.  The last time I visited, it was in perfect condition.  I will not let him be nearly forgotten again.   

THE DASH

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning… to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars… the house… the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard; are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.

To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile… remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you lived your dash?

By Linda Ellis, Copyright © 2020 Inspire Kindness, thedashpoem.com

Saturday Night Genealogy Fun - A Facebook "Have You Done This?" Meme

Now I realize it is no longer Saturday night, but I wasn't able to get this done then or yesterday, and I really wanted to play along - so here we are!

From Randy over at Genea-Musings:

it's Saturday Night - 

time for more Genealogy Fun!!!

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to:

(1) Another "Have you done this?" meme/quiz was going around Facebook last week.  Let's Do It!!

(2)  Copy and paste the list below, delete my answers, and add your own.

(3)  Tell us about it in your own blog post, in a comment to this blog post, or in a post on Facebook.

Here's mine:

(1)  Driven 100 mph:  I don't think so.  90 maybe...

(2)  Ridden in a helicopter:  No

(3)  Gone zip lining:  No

(4)  Been to an NFL Game:  No!  

(5)  Been to Canada:  No

(6)  Visited Florida:  Oh yes, many, many times.  Lived there for 4 years when I was a 

child.  Still have family there.  Though sadly, I have not been since moving to North Carolina 8 years ago.

(7)  Visited Mexico:  Yes, once.  Cozumel from a cruise ship.  Was very nervous (Have you ever read those State Department Travel Warnings from Mexico?!!) so stayed right there at the docks.  Shopped and drank.  

(8)  Visited Vegas:  No

(9)  Eaten alone at a restaurant:  Yes, but very rarely and only if I have a book with me to read so I don't look totally sad and lonely.  Usually in those situations, I just eat in my car.  

(10) Ability to read music:  Some memory is left from my childhood piano lessons.  

(11) Ridden a motorcycle:  Yes, but only as a passenger.

(12) Ridden a horse:  Yes, we owned horses when I was a child.  I don't think I've been on one since becoming an adult.

(13) Stayed in a hospital:  Only as a newborn.  (Let us pray that streak continues.)

(14) Donated blood:  Yes, but I just started donating last year, so I've only done it about 3 times.

(15)  Been snow skiing:  No

(16)  Been to Disneyworld or Disneyland:  Disneyworld yes!  2 or 3 times.  Refer to the Florida question above.  LOL.  It is definitely the happiest place on earth.

(17) Slept outside:  No... unless a cabin at camp or motor home count!!  ;)

(18) Driven a stick shift:  Yes, and I'm not good at it.  At all.

(19) Ridden in an 18 wheeler:  No

(20) Ridden in a police car:  Yes, but not for THAT reason.  My friends and I broke down in Montgomery, Alabama, and a kind policeman gave us a ride to an auto parts store.

(21)  Driven a boat:  Yes, some.  Lived on the lake when I was in college.

(22)  Eaten Escargot:  No!

(23) Been on a cruise:  Yes, twice.  First one sailed out of Port Canaveral, Florida and went to the Bahamas and Key West.  Second was a larger ship, and we sailed out of Tampa, Florida to the above mentioned Mexico and Grand Cayman (where I swam with sting rays!! One of the most awesome experiences of my life!!).

(24)  Run out of gas:  Never!

(25) Been on TV:  Not that I know of

(26) Eaten Sushi:  No!

(27) Seen a UFO: No

(28) Been bungie jumping:  No!!

(29) Visited another continent:  Yes - Europe

(30) Been to Ellis Island:  No...

It's your turn....

Amanuensis Monday: Last Will and Testament of Thomas Avent

This is a throw back to the days of using a prompt every day of the week for a blog post.  It is a good way to get ideas flowing.  

"In the Name of God, Amen; I, Thomas Avent, of Northampton County, North Carolina Being in a very weak Condition and Knowing it is appointed for all mon [sic] once to Die Do make and ordain this my Last will and testament in manner and form following Viz.:

First I recommend my Soul to almighty God the giver and as for my worldly goods I give and bequeath as followeth -------------------------

Item: I give and bequeath to my Brother William Avent an Island of Land Joyning [sic] on his own Dwelling plantation Containing by Estimation fifty acres to him and his heirs for ever.

Item: I Lend to my Loving wife Uslea [sic] Avent all my Estate without exception During the time she shall continue my widow and on her Death or marriage to be Equally divided amongst my Children and I do hereby Revoke all others made heretofore Either by word or writing and I hereby appoint John Moore & William my executors to this my Last Will and Testament as witness my hand this fifteenth Day of April, 1751.

               his
Thomas   X     Avent
              mark

Test: 

Richard Moore [illegible]

[illegible name]

           his
John    X       Davis [illegible]

          mark"

"Northampton County
February Court 1752

The within written Will was Exhibited into court and proven by the oath of Richard Moore one of the subscribing witnesses thereto and at the same time John Moore and William Avent were qualify'd Executors thereof; which on motion was ordered to be Certify'd. 

Test JEdwards  Cler Cur"

Outside of folded Will:

"Thomas Avent's

Will

[illegible] the 28th March

1752"

Source:  "North Carolina Original Wills, 1663-1790", State Agency Records, Secretary of State, filmed by the North Carolina Division of Archives and History, June 2000.

Thomas Avent was my 6th great-grandfather.  His daughter, Mary, married Joel Tapley, son of Hosea Tapley and Sarah Moore.  Sarah's father, John Moore, is probably the John Moore listed as an Executor in Thomas Avent's will.  

Saturday Night Genealogy Fun - What's on Your Genealogy Bookshelf?

From Randy over at Genea-Musings:

it's Saturday Night - 

time for more Genealogy Fun!!!

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to:

(1)  Teresa at the Writing My Past blog wrote a post about her genealogy bookshelf, even showing photographs of the books on several of her shelves. Another reader of Randy's blog, Linda Stufflean, though this was a good SNGF topic, so here we are!

(2)  What books or types of books are on your genealogy bookshelf (ves) in your home?  Do you have a photo of them? Are there specific books that you use more than others?

(3)  Tell us about it in your own blog post, in a comment to this blog post, or in a post on Facebook.

Here's mine:

Well, the first thing I realized is that I have books on different shelves all around my office space and living room.  My desk sits in a corner of my living room with bookshelves that are a part of my desk, an IKEA bookshelf behind me in my office space, and a larger IKEA bookcase in the living part of the room filled with all sorts of books and also scrapbooks.  

I keep my most referenced books on the shelves above my desk.  Here are those:

* Tapley, A family of Georgia and the South by Ray Tapley is my holy grail.  I have used it constantly over the years, and it is never out of my reach.  I contributed to Ray's research when he was writing the book, so my copy is signed by him, and that makes it that much more valuable to me.

* The Drake Family of Washington County, Georgia by Charles Edward Francis Drake stays close by also.  

* Searching for our Ancestors Among the Gravestones, 2000 Second Edition, A Cemetery Record of Johnson County, Georgia, published by The Johnson County Historical Society is another valuable reference book.  I  have used it many, many times over the years and wonder if a newer edition has been done or is planned???

The newest edition to my library was a gift from my cousin, Keith, last time I saw him at Christmas time.  Another valuable resource I can't wait to use:

* Cemeteries of Jefferson County Georgia, 1794-2000, compiled by Leroy Lewis and The Jefferson County Historical Society. 

 Then we move to the bookshelf behind me.  This is where I store notebooks for each family with paperwork I want to save, such as copies of birth and death certificates, censuses, etc.  I have a few genealogy books here, too:

* Celebrating 150 Years of Johnson County (Georgia), 1858-2008, published by The Johnson County Historical Society.  As you can tell, my Tapley roots are deeply planted in that county in Georgia.

* Descendants of Exum Drake, Volume III, Descendents of Francis Bryant Drake and Selina King by Robert Eldon Drake, M.D., 1977.  This book arrived when I was about 10-12 years old and really fueled my genealogy interest.  

* NGS (National Genealogical Society) Research in the States Series:  Georgia by Linda Woodward Geiger and Paul K. Graham.  Hmmmm... I probably should get the North Carolina version, too.

* The Genealogist's Google Toolbox by Lisa Louise Cooke.  I had forgotten I had this book!  I need to put ii on my desk!

* Organizing Your Family History Search: Efficient & Effective Ways to Gather and Protect Your Genealogical Research by Sharon DeBartolo Carmack.  I need to use this one more.

There are more generalized books on the bookshelf in the living room:

I'm not going to describe every book that is there, but you can definitely tell that I have an interest in the Civil War.  I have visited several of the battlefields, and I love to read about the lives the civilians were trying to live during that time.  I also picked up a few North Carolina reference books at a genealogy day last year in Mount Airy, North Carolina.  Then I have workbooks and syllabi from the couple of conferences I have attended.  If you see anything you have a question about, please message me.

I also have books on my computer.  The most important one is:

* Middletown Upper Houses, a history of the north society of Middletown, Connecticut, from 1650-1800, with genealogical and biographical chapters on early families and a full genealogy of Ranney's by Charles Collard Adams.  As I was working on this post, I found this book available for Kindle.  So now I have a genealogy book there, too. 

Modern Pandemic Making History

EDIT:  The pandemic continues... This picture was taken April 24, 2020:

We are living through something right now that most of us have never experienced.  A virus spreading all over the world.  A pandemic. For reasons which are unknown, people are rushing out and clearing store shelves of toilet paper, paper towels, and cleaning wipes.  Employees who can are working from home.  Restaurants are closed or only open for drive-in or curbside service.  Retail stores are closing early.  Some stores are opening earlier for senior citizen and other immune-compromised people to shop safely.  The roads are eerily empty.  School is closed for weeks, and the kids are doing schoolwork from home.  Libraries are closed.  All sporting events, music concerts, plays, conferences, weddings, festivals, parades, court trials, or any gathering of 50 or more people have been cancelled.  People are actually panicking about having to stay home - in their own house - for the required 14 day quarantine.  The stock market is plunging.  No one can sneeze or cough without receiving a dirty look from a nearby co-worker or member of the public.  We are being told to practice social distancing - keep at least 6 feet from others.  We are also told to self-isolate if  we have been in contact with someone who is showing symptoms.  No visiting, no unnecessary shopping or socializing.  Wash your hands thoroughly.  Do not touch your face, eyes, nose, or mouth.  The list goes on and on and on.

This coronavirus (not to be confused with having anything to do with the beer called Corona), surfaced in China in December 2019 and has spread to at least 147 countries, killing 7,800 and sickening tens of thousands of people in a matter of weeks.  This is the scary part.  How fast it is spreading.  The World Health Organization has declared it a pandemic.

On December 31, 2019, the government in Wuhan, China confirmed that health authorities there were treating hundreds of cases of pneumonia of unknown cause.  Just days later, researchers in China identified a new virus.  On January 11, 2020, China reported their first known death from an illness caused by the virus:  a 61-year-old man who was a regular customer at the market in Wuhan where the virus is believed to have originated.  Cases spread to Japan, South Korea, and Thailand.  On January 20, the United States announced its first confirmed case in Washington state.  A 30-something year old man who had just returned from a trip to Wuhan, China.

By January 31, when the U.S. restricted travel from China, 213 people had died and nearly 9,800 had been infected worldwide.  On February 2, the first coronavirus death was reported outside China - in the Philippines.  By this point, more than 360 people had died.

On February 11, the World Health Organization provided a name for the disease the coronavirus causes:  Covid-19, an acronym that stands for coronavirus disease 2019.  By the next day, there were 393 cases outside China in 24 countries.  On February 24, when the White House asked Congress to allocate emergency funds to help prepare, there were 35 confirmed cases in the U.S. and no deaths. But the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) warned of an almost certain outbreak.

On February 28, a patient near Seattle, Washington became the first coronavirus patient to die in the United States. 

On March 13, the president declared a national emergency.  The governor of North Carolina declared a state of emergency here 3  days earlier - on March 10.  By March 14, the President was advising citizens to avoid groups of more than 10.  Countries all over the world has closed their borders.

Here in North Carolina, the first case was reported in Wake County (Raleigh) on March 3.  As of today, there are 32 cases confirmed in Durham County (where I live) and a total of 119 cases statewide.

Also, just today, the governor announced that the first case of coronavirus from community spread  has occurred.  This is when they don't know how someone contracted Covid-19.  The second confirmed case in Wilson County has no known travel history and no known contact with another positive person.

When I had the idea to write this particular blog post, it was for two reasons.  First, researching and sharing the information made it more understandable and clear in my own mind.  Things are happening so fast right now, it is hard to comprehend and process it all.  Second, this is a moment of history. Just like I research my ancestors' lives, someone may research mine one day.

While I am not panicking or worrying excessively, I am constantly aware of the situation swirling around me.  It is almost all anyone is talking about.  I receive countless emails about it - some of which I'm going to share here.  I have to remember to not touch my face (That's not working so well - I had no idea how often I touch my face throughout the day!), to wash my hands twice as long and much more often, and to keep my distance from other people (This one is not going so well either with coworkers.  We have to interact fairly closely.)  Life is definitely different now.  I'm avoiding going out as much as possible, whether its to the grocery store or a restaurant.  If I did go to the grocery store, there is not much there to get.  My mammogram has been postponed.  I can't just go to the library or a movie.  I've had to think about a plan if I am quarantined.  While I am still working because courthouse personnel are essential, I would not be surprised that someone among us has the virus and just does not know it yet.  When confirmed, we will all have to be quarantined.  Personally, I would love 2 weeks at home.   I have so much that needs doing, and things I want to do.  However, I do not want to be sick.  It sounds miserable.  And dangerous.  The having difficulty breathing part makes me queasy.  I try not to dwell on the particulars.  What I am trying to do is just take it day by day.

As I mentioned, I am receiving many emails from companies I do business with about this virus.  Everything from closings, to shortening hours, to we won't turn your electricity or gas off for non-payment, to simply we are cleaning more.  Here are just a few samples:

Chick-fil-A:

Our highest priority continues to be the health and well-being of everyone who comes into our restaurants. As we navigate the evolving impact of coronavirus on our communities, we are temporarily closing our dining room seating to help limit person-to-person contact. Some of our restaurants may only offer service through our drive-thrus, while others may be able to offer takeout, delivery or mobile order options. Thanks for your patience. We know these are challenging times, but we’ll continue to do our best to serve you. Take care, and we hope to serve you soon.

Store Locator Temporary Changes to the Ollie’s Bargain Outlet Store Hours During these uncertain times we are continuing to keep our stores open to serve our communities. We are keeping stores stocked with food, cleaning supplies and personal hygiene products, all at Ollie’s great bargain prices. We are temporarily adjusting our store hours to close at 8pm (Monday – Saturday), beginning Friday, March 20. In addition, we have designated 9am - 10am Monday – Saturday and 10am - 11am on Sunday to be shopping hours for Senior Citizens and those with compromised immune systems. We ask all other customers to honor this and shop from 10am - 8pm Monday through Saturday and 11am - 7pm on Sunday. We’re grateful to our thousands of associates and suppliers who are working diligently to provide our customers and communities with essential products and the best bargains possible. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to continue to serve you.

From my dental office:

Hi Elizabeth,

I am Dr. Don Lane of Lane & Associates Family Dentistry and I want to provide you with a brief update on how we are addressing the Coronavirus pandemic.

As the largest and one of the oldest dental practices in North Carolina, our primary concern has always been the health and safety of our patients and staff. In light of this and during these difficult times, we have prayerfully made the decision to follow the recommendation of the American Dental Association and the North Carolina Dental Board and will stop all treatment except for emergency or urgent dental needs.

My Homeowner's Association Management Company:

Dear Residents,

In response to the COVID-19 virus, Towne Properties is taking the following actions to help keep our communities and families safe and healthy. 

Towne Main Office

Our office will be closed to the public Monday, March 16^th through Friday, April 17^th.  This is subject to change; in which case, all residents will be notified.    

Board Meetings

Effective immediately, all meetings both offsite and in the office, will be canceled through Friday, April 17^th.  For those who are unable to postpone/reschedule your meetings, we are encouraging our management teams and board members to use conference calls, voting by email, and virtual meeting applications such as “GoToMeeting” as alternatives. 

Emails/Phone Calls

Voicemails may take longer to return. However, emails are continuing to be monitored and you may receive a faster response. You may email your management team for assistance.  If you are unable to email, please leave a detailed message, including your name, number and reason for your call. All calls will be returned as soon as possible.

Assessment Payments

Receipt of payments may be delayed during this time.  Late fees will be suspended for the months of March and April, if needed.  For residents mailing in payments, please be sure to send your coupon and payment to the lockbox, not the Raleigh office P.O. Box, as this will further delay processing your payment.

We sincerely thank you for your understanding and patience.  We realize this is a unique and challenging time for all and are confident we will get through this together.  Please take care and do not hesitate to contact us should we be able to assist you. 

Important COVID-19 updates Our highest responsibility to you is the delivery of reliable electric service. That’s always important, but never more so than now as we navigate this unprecedented time together. Beyond that, we are committed to finding additional ways to help protect and serve the whole community, and especially those who are most vulnerable. Here’s some of what we’re doing. Financial relief We understand that many customers may be facing unexpected financial hardships. To help, we have suspended disconnections for nonpayment for home and business accounts during this time. Effective March 21, we will waive all fees for late payments and returned checks, and for credit or debit card payments for residential accounts. In addition, we are relaxing our usual timelines for payment arrangements. Customers who were recently disconnected can contact us to make arrangements for service restoration. We still encourage you to stay as current as you can with your payments. This helps you avoid building up a large balance for later and it helps support those in your community who need financial assistance the most.

My Vet:  

The team at Village Vet is taking the government and the American Veterinary Medical Association guidelines very seriously.  We aim to provide the best possible service and care to our clients and patients while limiting possible spread of the COVID-19 virus.  In order to accomplish this, we are restricting entry into the clinic to team members and pets only. 

When you arrive at the clinic, please call from your car.  If you are picking up supplies you will be asked about payment over the phone and your items will be brought out to you. 

If you have an appointment, your pet's Registered Veterinary Technician (RVT) or Assistant will speak with you over the phone to discuss your pet's history, symptoms, and needs just as she would if you were in a room.  She will then come to your car and get your pet to bring in to the clinic.  We ask that you stay in your car during the entire appointment.

Once inside, your pet's veterinarian will perform her physical exam and call you.  At this time she will discuss your pet's exam, any findings, and recommendations.  This will be the same as if you were in the room with her.

After everything is completed, you will receive another call.  If tests were run while you were waiting, the results and recommendations will be provided at this time.  You will then be transferred to a receptionist.  We recommend paying by credit card if at all possible as we can take the information over the phone.  Your pet will then be brought back to your vehicle by a team member.

We regret the need for these steps.  We pride ourselves on our service.  The health and safety of our team, clients, and patients is our highest priority.

Dear Patient: We understand you and your loved ones may be concerned about the spread of a novel coronavirus, now known as COVID-19. At Duke Health, your safety and well-being are our top priority, and we are taking every precaution to help keep you safe. Before Coming to a Duke Hospital or Clinic

Call ahead before seeking care The symptoms of COVID-19 are similar to other respiratory illnesses like the flu, including: fever cough shortness of breath If you have these symptoms: Mild symptoms can be treated at home. If your symptoms worsen, call your doctor before going to any medical facility. Your doctor will let you know what to do next and if you need to be seen. Schedule a virtual visit 24/7, through Duke Health Anywhere. Visitor restrictions in place at all hospitals and clinics To help prevent the spread of COVID-19, we are: limiting visitors to one person over the age of 12 for hospital visits and doctor’s appointments at clinic locations. screening patients and visitors for symptoms of illness upon arrival asking patients and their loved ones with symptoms related to COVID-19 to return home providing information about what to do if you have symptoms to prevent the spread of illness posting changes on these restrictions to Dukehealth.org

Stay safe out there.  Wash your hands.  I cannot say that enough.  And please do not hoard toilet paper and/or cleaning products. Everyone needs them.


Sources:

A Timeline of the Coronavirus by Derrick Bryson Taylor, published online for the New York Times, March 19, 2020.  

Coronavirus:  First case of community spread COVID-19 confirmed in North Carolina by WBTV Web Staff, WBTV online, March 19, 2020.  

Watch:  Map shows how coronavirus is spreading in N.C.:  Coronavirus Timeline in North Carolina, published online for the Winston-Salem Journal, March 19, 2020.